How To Stop Jealousy From Killing Your Progress

Hey there!

I’ve read a bunch of articles recently that kind of circle the drain that is self-sabotage and how performers can engage in that almost constantly.

One, written by Eddie Ramos in Backstage, captured the problem (and offered a simple solution) perfectly.

Link to article:

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Hope this helps!


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Raw YouTube Captioning

hey there it’s David H Lawrence the 17th
and today I want to talk to you about
that little tiny demon inside you that
is not very giving and not very gracious
and a little upset when you see others
advancing getting gigs getting booked
getting callbacks getting auditions
making their career and their journey
move forward it’s a fairly natural thing
despite us all trying to be oh that’s so
great that you know I didn’t get it but
it’s okay it’s great that somebody got
it you know you try and practice that
kind of gracious that gracious
generosity whenever possible but it can
really begin to wear on you when it
happens over and over and over again and
it can start to cause feelings of
jealousy and I’ve read probably I don’t
know four or five articles in the last
month or so on this particular notion in
various industries whether it’s
performing whether it’s technology
whether it’s business in general whether
it’s school and the idea that jealousy
can really be one of the best examples
of self-sabotage and really be one of
those like retardants to our our forward
progress and our success and our
feelings of well-being it’s and and it’s
like almost sometimes impossible you
know for me recently it was auditioning
for being called back twice being told
wonderful things by the director in a
commercial audition and then not getting
the gig and seeing the commercial on
television and thinking to myself huh
that’s what they wanted for that okay
all right fine jealousy can really stop
you dead in your tracks it can really be
a big problem and
there was an article recently one that I
want to bring to your attention
especially as performers in backstage
and it was written by Eddie Ramos and I
put a link in the blog post on VOD gogo
comm where where this video is he says
you look at not getting a gig as equal
to not being as skilled as the person
who may have gotten it you get jealous
it’s natural and there are some things
that you can do he has three points and
then I have a fourth bonus point that I
want to share with you he says first of
all acknowledge that you’re on a journey
you know I would add to that acknowledge
maybe that guy did or that woman did
have something that you didn’t have that
they needed for that spot it’s entirely
likely that that’s the case it’s also
entirely likely that they labored over
the decision as to who to book for it
but acknowledge that you’re on a journey
and that the journey is gonna take you
places that other people will be jealous
of you for arriving at just know that
this is a wonderful path to follow it’s
filled with really exciting happy times
and it’s filled with some really
frustrating stuff some really
frustrating experiences second point he
has is recognize your accomplishments so
yeah you can look at I could have looked
at that that ad for the commercial that
I that I that I auditioned for and
really ignored all of the wonderful
successes and accomplishments that I had
in lieu of that one you know shortcoming
the one thing that I didn’t get well
what about all the things that I did get
I want you to remember that too what
about all the great things that happened
to you and have happened and will happen
to you along your journey right and then
rethink your jealous behavior really
think about the idea this is the third
third point that Eddie or almost makes
rethink that jealous behavior and think
about how effective that really is does
it really help you feel better
or does it stick in your craw does it
really help you move forward in your
career or does it make you sit still
while you stew in that jealousy does it
help you book more stuff does it help
you be a better actor does it help you
be a better performer and if you’re not
in the world
performance does it move you along in
your journey in whatever business you’re
in rethink that idea of jealousy and you
know in the long run know that it’s
gonna pop up it’s the way our brains
work and it’s almost involuntary but we
can acknowledge it and then make a clear
decision not to let it rule our lives
right so I will add my fourth thing and
that’s how I do that and that is to
replace that feeling of jealousy that
behavior that occurs that snide miss
that that anger that pops up to
instantly replace that with celebration
and happiness whoever got the gig be
thrilled for them think about how hard
they have tried to get where they are to
get that booking to get that gig right
and you know I saw my commercial in the
middle of a win for my my favorite
basketball team the Golden State
Warriors I mean I had plenty of
opportunity to change it almost
immediately because you know I was
celebrating myself and so I thought to
myself this great that guy got that job
that’s great and next time I’m if I see
him I’m gonna congratulate him on I’m
gonna say hey that was really great
because that’s how I really feel so
replace those negative feelings and
those negative behaviors and believe me
I know it’s easier said than done
sometimes but make the decision to
simply do it and know that jealousy in
general is a byproduct of fear that’s
what it is plain and simple it’s a
byproduct of fear fear of the unknown
fear that I’m not good enough fear that
I’m never gonna book something again
fear of the thing that I need to do most
get back then they’re an audition again
go take an acting class do something
other than sit in my own juices and stew
in them and just decry the fact that
some other actor you know did better
than I did you know instead of
celebrating how great it is for them
consider why you’re jealous and then
take immediate action don’t let it
fester don’t let it you know become a
you have to pop right so there you go
thoughts what are your thoughts when you
begin to feel jealous what do you do how
do you handle it what are your what are
your tools what are your tips and
tricks’ share it with everybody give me
a comment below this video on vo to go
go calm if you’re watching it anywhere
but there go over to vo Togo go comm
we’d love to have you I’d love to help
you take advantage of all the different
things that we do as a place where
people train and learn and become better
at both performing voiceover success and
productivity and if you would like to be
notified when my new videos come out
because we’re doing one a day for the
entire year and you’d like to join
subscribe to my my youtube channel and
get that notification click on my face
there there’s no face look for a
subscribe button somewhere below the
video you want to see the latest video
I’ve done click on that frame and
YouTube will play it for you I’m David H
Lawrence xvii I thank you so much for
watching and I will talk to you tomorrow.

7 Responses to How To Stop Jealousy From Killing Your Progress

  1. Veleka June 9, 2019 at 8:18 am #

    Sadly, jealousy is built into our systems. Here are two monkeys being experimented on regarding fairness. The one on the left instantly knows when the one on the right is getting a better deal

  2. Kendra H. June 9, 2019 at 5:15 pm #

    I particularly like how you tied jealousy to fear. It’s not so much that I don’t want someone else to have success, it’s that I am afraid I won’t have success if they’re having success. It’s the “mentality of scarcity.”

  3. Melissa Kay Benson June 9, 2019 at 6:30 pm #

    LOL Veleka!! That made me laugh out loud for real! Also this lesson reminds me of a joke. How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb? Answer: 5. One to change the lightbulb and four to say “I could do that so much better”.

  4. Jim Beliakoff June 10, 2019 at 10:23 am #

    Someone told me once that the word jealousy was formed from the Latin for i “Jea” and the English word lousy. I never verified that tgat was true but it’s an interesting thought.

  5. Patricia Napolitano June 10, 2019 at 1:09 pm #

    Very, very good points, and very true. However ” jealousy” is being defensive of something you have. Being jealous of your boy or girl friend, for example. Being upset over what someone else has is “envy”. Wanting someone else’s promotion or success, gig, etc. Anyway, both are very demeaning emotions, and your suggestions are great.

  6. Trish Bell June 29, 2019 at 8:10 am #

    Comforting to know I am not alone. I am very aware how I cringe when one of my colleagues writes paragraphs on Facebook about how he landed this and that. I recently thought “I should drop him here”….my little jealousy is dominating my thoughts…Lightbulb moment: it is time I remember ALL the hundreds of bookings I have landed in my career. Jealousy doesn’t make Me feel better. Thanks David for sharing this topic.

  7. Trenton Bennett August 28, 2019 at 11:15 am #

    I can see someone’s success and wish I had the same, but that’s really on me to make it happen for myself.

    It’s really easy for me to feel excited and happy for someone I know when they land a good gig because it’s inspiring. I’m happy for them and I also realize, “That could easily be me one day too!” It makes things seem more real and success more likely when someone I know has just achieved something great.

    I also have people new to VO reach out to me sometimes, and I can detect a bit of that wishful thinking–I try to help them have a sense of reality about this, that I put in hard work, everything I audition for doesn’t turn into gold, and it’s okay that these things take time as long as you keep trying and learning.

    I had good coaches and mentors and some wonderful peers. I’m thankful for that. And what a great, supportive industry! :)

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