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Resist Oversharing. Instead, Start A Dialogue.

Hey there!

A comment came up in a recent Pro Connect Live monthly accountability and support session with my lovely VO Pros, where one of them recently landed an agent via a cold submission, and mentioned that the agent appreciated the fact that the Pro did not give the agent her entire life story in that initial email.

She nailed the meeting…and landed the agent.

And that’s a lesson I’ve had to learn over and over and over: resist the urge to shower new contacts with exhaustive information. Here’s what to do instead.


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Hope this helps!

David

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Raw YouTube Captioning

hey there it’s David H Lawrence the 17th
and something came up
in a recent Pro Connect live session
it’s our monthly accountability and
business support meeting that we have
with all of our lovely pros on vo to go
go calm the people that are building
successful voice-over careers and we
take this time once a month to talk
about our businesses rather than the art
of how to do commercials all right we
talk about how to build businesses the
technology things like that lots of
really great things came up things about
websites and things about agent meetings
and in that comment about agent meetings
a something was shared that really stuck
for me because it’s a lesson that I need
to keep learning over and over and over
again apparently my skull is so thick
that it doesn’t take so I’m making a
video about it because as you know the
best way to learn something is to teach
it to somebody else so over the time
that we were taking comments and so on
one of our pros said hey I had a meeting
with a new agent I landed the agent and
one of the things that the agent said to
me was in my cold submission to her that
I didn’t tell her my whole life story
and man did that resonate with me she
just did a really short sweet here’s top
three things I’ve just done and I’d love
to meet with you and that was that and
it’s funny because we’ve done a coaching
session and I talked about being brief
and letting the agent do most of the
talking and asking questions and so on
and when she said that it brought up a
whole bunch of stuff inside me and that
was that throughout my life I have
always had to resist the urge to
overshare when I first meet somebody you
know somebody you meet them for the
first time and say so what do you do and
I’m really well I’m an actor I’m a
voice-over talent I’m a technologist I
have an app you know like like vomiting
this information on people and they’re
like okay enough just and and it’s a
thing that I really need to be careful
of my pro had it down you know and she
by the way she landed the agent which
was kind of cool she nailed the meeting
she landed the agent she’s now being
rapped by them which is fantastic but
this idea that when you first meet
someone you have to share with them
everything so they have all the
information all the tools you know
you’re trying to avoid the situation
where somebody says to you two months
down the line why didn’t you tell me
that when we first met don’t worry about
that I’ve got an alternative for you
that is really useful and and this this
happens all the time I mean it was
happening to me until about maybe six
months ago when I realized I was doing
the exact same thing to people who were
linking in with me on LinkedIn my
response to them and on Facebook my
response to them was this big long multi
paragraph response it’s like you know
did you want to link in because I was on
heroes’ did you want to link in because
I’m an actor because I’m a coach because
I have rehearsal Pro what is it that you
mean you know and it was all of these
things you know I want to help that’s
why I’m here and that’s the truth
but it wasn’t necessary for me to share
all of that at
once in the very first response so now
what I respond with is what I’d like to
suggest you consider and that is I
respond very simply with hey thanks for
for linking in with me can you tell me
why you did was it acting was it
voiceover what was it that’s it and even
that I think I could pair out the acting
voiceover get rid of that but you know I
just want to I want to sort of guide
people towards what I’m looking for
which is to start a dialogue you know
people connect with each other in person
online all the time and by the way if
you know this person that comes back to
me says oh you look like a nice American
man who is looking for love well I know
to click the disconnect button right but
if somebody says I wanted to connect
with you because of voiceover if I can’t
tell from their profile if they’re
already a voice-over talent
I’ll ask well are you already working in
voiceover as a sales person or as a car
dealer or whatever you’re doing for your
day job or are you looking to train in
that and again leaving it at that if
they then say I’d love to train in
voiceover I respond with hey well that’s
great there’s this free class that I
offer that you might find interesting I
give them the URL and that’s that all of
this is really difficult for me because
I want to make sure that everybody has
the tools they need and you know
learning this lesson over and over has
been a life’s work for me don’t over
share especially in the first or second
meeting just start a dialogue start a
conversation ask a probing question that
isn’t too invasive you know so tell me
about why you thought it would be a
great idea to have a conversation or or
what brought you to the party or you
know what do you what do you love about
what you do you know you don’t want to
get into a situation where you have to
say the phrase gosh I feel like I’m
rambling because then means you probably
are so
even if somebody is gracious and says no
no it’s fine
you know if you if you know there’s
there’s a there’s a rule in how to win
friends and influence people of a hard
and fast rule about having someone else
talk about themselves and how much they
love that because not because people
love to boast but because you don’t get
a chance that often you don’t get a
chance you’re not usually asked about
yourself you just you have to kind of
like help other people understand you so
in that case be spare be light ask a
question start a conversation start a
dialogue you know I’ve I said it earlier
you know you don’t want to vomit
information all over somebody you know
it’s not it’s not helpful it’s not
giving them all the tools they need it
can be very confusing and what I found
is that my response rate from those
initial links and the initial
conversations that I have with people at
in real life events at IRL of it IRL
events is much higher you know really
tell me about yourself or Wow what
brought you here today or how do you
know the host of the of the event those
things you know they shouldn’t have
taken me this long in my life to learn
and I’m sure I’ll have to learn them
more how about you is this a lesson that
you learned a long time ago and been
putting into practice or is this
something that like gosh I didn’t know
that or I know that but I don’t really
give me a comment let me know what you
think about this how does this apply to
you
comment below if you’re on vo – go go
comm if you’re not on vo – go go comm if
you’re watching this anywhere else pop
over there because the conversation is
moderated and it’s calm and it’s
respectful and we love it and tell me
what you think about this tell me let’s
let’s start a dialogue let’s start a
conversation if you’d like to join my
youtube channel subscribe to it and get
notified whenever these new videos come
out we’re doing one a day for the entire
year it’s the challenge that I’m
involved with go ahead and click on my
head if there’s no head there then look
for a subscribe button somewhere on the
page if you want to see the latest video
that I’ve
click on that frame and YouTube will
play it for you I’m David H Lawrence
xvii I thank you so much for watching
and I will talk to you tomorrow.

5 Responses to Resist Oversharing. Instead, Start A Dialogue.

  1. David Wandelt May 6, 2019 at 2:19 am #

    Yeah, this one seriously resonates with me. It’s only later in life that I’ve come to see how over-verbalizing isn’t helpful. In fact, it just produces a glassy look in most people. It’s really, I think, a matter of knowing your audience. A minority of people will follow you, and find the information interesting, and possibly valuable. But most hear the first little bit and start thinking about their response long before you’ve finished your long info-dump. Use their facial expression as your feedback loop!

  2. Richard Rieman May 6, 2019 at 6:51 am #

    Great point, David. That’s all I’m going to say :-)

  3. Stephanie May 6, 2019 at 7:05 am #

    Great lesson. I am working on this too. My hubby, on the other hand, is a master of communication. He is truly amazing at it. Of course, it does help that he has a degree in psychology. I’ve learned so much about first interactions and building relationships by watching how he does it. He gets people to open up with just one question and is able to discern their patterns and decide if this will be a good thing to pursue. I normally don’t do that and give it all up in the first meeting which doesn’t work out well in the long term. He takes his time, gets to know the other person first, what they want, need, desire. He also sets fantastic boundaries in the first meeting. He does it with grace so the person doesn’t feel hurt or insulted. He just sticks with his truth and moves from there. In business, this has been a fantastic tool. He is able to see problems before they start and not continue to down that path. I’m still learning these techniques but I’ve already have seen how helpful it is to move slowly and let the “other person talk” as he always tells me. Get to know them and their patterns so you can be a valuable long term commodity not just give it all up in the first few minutes of meeting.

  4. Tom j Dolan May 6, 2019 at 11:47 am #

    “over share” encapsulates the all to familiar situation I’ve often placed myself in. Great reminder David! Thanx.

  5. Veleka May 6, 2019 at 5:09 pm #

    David, in my acting classes, I require that my students create a brief Personal Commercial. Been doing this for nearly thirty years after a producer once told me he tuned out after twenty seconds. My students have exact points to hit, which change according to their experience,

    My specialty as a coach is helping shy people come out of their shells so they can easily connect with their chosen community and get the respect they deserve. And should I move back to Los Angeles, I plan to teach my method there, too. It works. :)

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