Something To Consider: Everyone’s Internal Menu

Hey there!

It wasn’t until I was in my mid-50s that I learned a valuable lesson about why people do bad things.

And when I learned this lesson, it helped me forgive someone who I’d pretty much hated all my life.

This lesson is so simple, and so powerful.

Hope this helps!


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Raw YouTube Captioning

hey there it’s David H Lawrence the 17th
and this being our 200th episode I
wanted to share something with you that
I think is really important it’s
something that I didn’t really learn
until my mid-50s it’s maybe five to five
six years ago and I learned it during a
session with a coach and
I was I was just stunned by it and I
want to share it with you in case it
might be helpful to you I don’t know if
you’ve seen the news this past week I
dig kicker stories I think kicker
stories are great human interest stories
crazy stories and I know that the
reaction when you hear this story could
immediately be you know I really believe
that parents need to be licensed I mean
that was the people around me said that
when I told them the story and instead
of thinking that it made me think yeah
that wasn’t a great thing to have
happened very very dangerous but it
reminded me of this this thing that I
wanted to talk to you about today so
this woman by the name of Janice Jaeger
was pulled over by cops in Dixon
Illinois and she was pulled over she’s
driving an Audi q5 and she was pulled
over because she had a swimming pool and
inflatable kids swimming pool on the
roof of the car and that was bad enough
it wasn’t tied down it was just being
held there and not by somebody from
inside the car holding her two kids were
on top of the car holding the the
swimming pool down somehow and her
reaction according to the several
different news reports that I I heard
and saw was something along the lines of
what I had to have them up there
otherwise the swimming pool would fly
off and you know again really is that
possible and this harkens back to that
thing that I want to share with you
today I’ve made no bones about the fact
that I didn’t get along with my
stepfather I was sort of extra baggage
that came along when he met my mom and
we never really had the kind of
relationship that one would consider to
be loving he made it very difficult for
me to go to college I mean there was a
whole bunch of things that happen in
terms of mental and and sometimes
physical abuse not nearly as bad as some
people have suffered so
it’s not like I’m crying victim but it
just was I hated him most of my
childhood adolescence teenage years
young adult years just really really
hated him and this came up in a session
again about five or six years ago with a
coach and he led me through a process
that I think is really really valuable
and he let me in on some things that
make all the sense in the world when it
comes to people who do bad things who do
abusive things who do good things who do
anything and here’s the deal everybody
has a menu of choices everybody has a
menu of choices you have a menu of
choices I have a menu of choices career
criminals have a menu of choices priests
parishioners scientists chemists moms
dads kids everybody has their own
personal menu of options things that
they can choose from when any situation
presents itself and requires some sort
of action or reaction and that menu is
gonna vary based on your knowledge and
based on your experience and based on
your attentiveness to detail and your
level of engagement and the amount that
you care and the amount that you’ve
educated yourself or been educated and
this is the thing about the menus that
we all have when we choose an action
when we choose a reaction to a situation
we always without fail choose the best
item on the menu the number one top of
the menu menu item and for some people
that menu item is a great reaction it’s
a great response it’s a smart response
it’s a thoughtful and caring response
for some people the choices on their
menu are so limited that that number one
choice can be horrific
can be terrifying can be disgusting can
be just the worst but that’s the best
they have lack of knowledge lack of
experience lack of caring lack of
empathy bad examples examples that were
given to them that made them think oh
this is the right thing to do
that number one menu item is always the
menu item that people choose and you ask
yourself well what about like you know
serial killers yeah their menu number
one item kill dismember eat whatever
it’s crazy
but it’s true and when you think about
the choices that you make in life can
you think of a time when you’ve ever
said to yourself what’s the third best
choice I can make
let’s go with that one and it’s not even
something that you say out loud or say
you know in that voice that you hear in
your brain you don’t say okay what’s the
best choice I can make here you think to
yourself what should I do
how should I do it and always implicit
in that is what’s the best choice and so
what do you do about that
well you’ve seen people who’ve changed
their ways you’ve seen people who have
gone into prison and come out better
people or gone into rehab and kind of
come out better people or gone to school
after not having had school one of the
disadvantages that my stepfather had was
that he never finished
I think the eighth grade he had like a
seven and a half grade you know
education so he didn’t have a lot of
options and I’m not making an excuse for
him because there are plenty of people
who have that level of education that go
on to do great things they they
recognize that they need help they
recognize that they need better options
they need a better menu and they go on
sometimes they get it from jail from
prison from getting the crap beat out of
them from being taken advantage of you
fool me once shame on you fool me twice
shame on me that kind of thing but when
they get better items to choose
they also instantly have to use them
they become the best item on the list if
they don’t get those better items they
keep making those bad choices now I
don’t know what this woman’s background
was her education was clearly she was
driving an Audi so and it was a pretty
expensive SUV so something’s going on
there I’m not quite sure how this led
her to this IIIi don’t know I don’t know
but it’s made me sensitive to moments
when it would be very easy to jump and
say oh jeez what a jerk what a crazy
poor and I still do it I do but I also
think about the fact that everybody’s
working with their own personal menu and
that everybody immediately chooses the
best choice they have on their arguably
sometimes very limited menu what’s your
menu like what do you do when you
encounter a new choice what do you do
when you encounter something that didn’t
work out so well for you and you know
you have to fix things what happened
what happens I mean you know this to me
earlier this year where I was making
really bad choices the number one choice
in my menu was eat sugar and then I got
the word that there was a better choice
to make and if I didn’t make that choice
the number one item on my menu was going
to be trying to find my guide stick
because I’d be blind so let me know in
the comments below how does this feel
how does this fit with you what do you
think is going on when you are presented
with something that didn’t quite work
out as best as you’d planned or when
somebody says to you what’s wrong with
you why did you do that why did you
think that well now you know it was the
best choice you had at the time even if
it was a horrible rotten disgusting
choice it was the best choice you had
are you willing to come up with better
choices in your professional life and
your personal life things like that it
just made me think about this and I kind
of wanted to give this I don’t know
there’s an artificial
you know reverence to the number 200 out
of 366 or 365 I’m not sure what year
this is I think I think it’s a regular
year so 365 but I want to know what you
think leave me a comment do so at vo to
go go comm we keep the conversation nice
and sane they’re very polite everybody’s
been very polite I appreciate that I’d
love for you to join my list if you’re
watching this on VOD bug or calm look
below this video and you’ll see a
subscribe form where you can jump on my
list and be notified when these videos
come out when I have new things that I
want to share with you that’ll help your
performance life be spectacular if you
want to see the latest video I’ve done
go ahead and click on that frame there
and YouTube will play it for you because
that’s what they do I’m David a Florence
the 17th I thank you so much for
watching and I will talk to you tomorrow.

5 Responses to Something To Consider: Everyone’s Internal Menu

  1. Chris Ansoff July 19, 2019 at 8:28 am #

    David, we just covered this in a coaching session and I thought it was such a good lesson about people. Loved hearing it again!.

  2. Chris Buckner July 19, 2019 at 9:10 am #

    My research into murderers for my character for the TV series I’m in reflected the things you mentioned here. I learned that murderers never develop proper coping mechanisms, which is just another way of saying they have limited menu items to choose from and those choices are probably all bad. Thanks for the video David.

  3. David Wandelt July 19, 2019 at 3:25 pm #

    The remark about those who never completed their education doing great things anyway particularly hit home. Did you know that Thomas Edison was ejected at sixth grade because, they said, he was incapable of learning? I had a great-uncle who had the exact same treatment. He made a real name for himself in technology in his day, working with Dr. Lee DeForest of vacuum tube fame, and was instrumental in the development of television. My grade school teachers would probably have been very glad to be rid of me, too! I’m sure I drove them nuts. When I myself didn’t finish college, I took comfort in knowing these things, and became a self-taught engineer, even obtaining the title of “Member of Technical Staff”—a title usually reserved for degreed engineers. If you are determined not to let your circumstances hold you back, they won’t. No excuses. Get out there and make it happen!

  4. Veleka Gray July 19, 2019 at 10:16 pm #

    Years ago when he was only twenty-five, I took Tony Robbins’s first “Fear Into Power” class and did the Firewalk. Twice. First in July. Then again in August. It was astonishing how I could walk on bare coals and only get a small blister when I didn’t believe they were hot and looked down for a second and broke the spell Tony had us under. Poor Arthur D. wasn’t able to believe and was in the hospital for six months with badly burned feet.

    I will never forget what Tony told us during the course and try to remember it every day: “People do the best they can with the resources that they’ve got.”

    I think your story is another way of saying the same thing, and I look forward to the day when everyone can understand that.

  5. Tanya July 21, 2019 at 10:28 am #

    So Great!

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